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For those long time e-mailers out there...
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case
of free M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an
e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that
the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran
into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home
recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket
of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since
as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in
Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government
made them change their name to KFC).
Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he
awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and
he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he
realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a
note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was
afraid to use his phone because it was connected to
his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that
would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail
entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax
because he himself was a computer programmer who was
working on software to prevent a global disaster in
which all the computers get together and distribute
the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the
leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all
last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF,
who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and
$5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay
phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on
the line first asked him to press #90, which
unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone
line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the coin-return
slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around
which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the
world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from
the hospital - the one where that little boy who is
dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for
everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the
American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel
for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails
and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an
angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10
people, you will have good luck but for only 10 people
you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer
than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN
YEARS).
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to
the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car
driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he
flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as
part of a gang initiation.
Send THIS to all the friends who send you their
mail and you will receive 4 green M&Ms -- if you
don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you
to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad
luck: you will get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in
your shampoo, your spouse/mate will develop a skin
rash from using the antiperspirant which clogs the
pores under your arms, and the U.S. government will put a
tax on your e-mails forever.
I know this is all true 'cause I read it on emails sent to me!
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