wow, brutal crowd tonight... :) (archive)

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: I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case
: of free M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an
: e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that
: the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran
: into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home
: recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket
: of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since
: as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in
: Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government
: made them change their name to KFC).
: Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he
: awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and
: he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he
: realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a
: note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was
: afraid to use his phone because it was connected to
: his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that
: would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail
: entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax
: because he himself was a computer programmer who was
: working on software to prevent a global disaster in
: which all the computers get together and distribute
: the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the
: leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all
: last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF,
: who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and
: $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
: The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay
: phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on
: the line first asked him to press #90, which
: unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone
: line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the coin-return
: slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around
: which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the
: world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from
: the hospital - the one where that little boy who is
: dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for
: everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the
: American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel
: for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails
: and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an
: angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10
: people, you will have good luck but for only 10 people
: you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer
: than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN
: YEARS).
: So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to
: the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car
: driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he
: flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as
: part of a gang initiation.
: Send THIS to all the friends who send you their
: mail and you will receive 4 green M&Ms -- if you
: don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you
: to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad
: luck: you will get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in
: your shampoo, your spouse/mate will develop a skin
: rash from using the antiperspirant which clogs the
: pores under your arms, and the U.S. government will put a
: tax on your e-mails forever.
: I know this is all true 'cause I read it on emails sent to me!

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