Another very long...sorry (archive)

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>>FASCISM:
>>You have two cows.
>>The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you
>>the milk.

>>PURE COMMUNISM:
>>You have two cows.
>>Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

>>APPLIED COMMUNISM:
>>You have two cows.
>>You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
>>
>>DICTATORSHIP:
>>You have two cows.
>>The government takes both and shoots you.

>>MEXICAN DEMOCRACY:
>>You have two cows.
>>The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.
>>
>>MILITARISM:
>>You have two cows.
>>The government takes both and drafts you into the army.
>>
>>SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
>>You have two cows.
>>The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an
>>apartment.
>>
>>PURE DEMOCRACY:
>>You have two cows.
>>All your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

>>REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
>>You have two cows.
>>Your neighbors pick someone who will tell you who gets the milk.
>>
>>AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
>>The government promises to give you two cows, if you vote for it.
>>After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow
>>futures.
>>The press dubs the affair "Cowgate", but supports the president.
>>The cow sues you for breach of contract.
>>Your legal bills exceed your annual income.
>>You settle out of court and declare bankruptcy.

>>BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
>>You have two cows.
>>You feed them sheep"s brains and they go mad.
>>The government doesn"t do anything.
>>
>>EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY:
>>You have two cows.
>>At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you
>>can milk them.
>>Then it pays you not to milk them.
>>After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk
>>down the drain.
>>Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
>>
>>CAPITALISM:
>>You have two cows.
>>You sell one and buy a bull.
>>Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
>>You retire on the income.

>>HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
>>You have two cows.
>>You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of
>>credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
>>debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four
>>cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights
>>of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman
>>Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells
>>the right to all seven cows" milk back to the listed company. The
>>annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on
>>one more.
>>Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad "feng shui".
>>
>>TOTALITARIANISM:
>>You have two cows.
>>The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
>>Milk is banned.
>>
>>POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
>>You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the
>>phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but
>>no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.
>>You are torn by feelings of guilt; your psychotherapist recommends a
>>treatment center.
>>You spend six weeks there, paid for by the community health plan and
>>graduate into Guilty Anonymous.
>>
>>SURREALISM:

>>You have two giraffes.
>>The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
>>

>>You have two cows.
>>You pledge the profits from the milk that they will produce and from the
>>milk that their offspring will produce for the next 50 years as the sole
>>collateral for a loan of $100 million from the bank owned by the
>>industrial group you own.
>>You then turn around and make a tender offer for the minimum necessary
>>controlling stake of a privatizing Russian
>>industrial conglomerate with over $4 billion worth of hard assets, which
>>tender you win because the it was run by the bank lending you the money.
>>You deposit a promissory note backed by the bank"s loan commitment with
>>the bank as evidence of payment of the shares, take over the company,
>>freeze out the minority shareholders, and strip off the assets by having
>>your new company sell them to your Cyprus shell companies at fire-sale
>>prices, until the company is technically insolvent before you have even
>>taken the cash from your bank to pay for the shares.
>>You then take the money your bank promised to lend you, pay a stream of
>>non-existent service contracts to another family of Cyprus entities you
>>own, so that you can send $100 million in hard currency abroad, where
>>you are soon to follow.
>>One of your Cyprus entities then sues the Russian conglomerate in
>>bankruptcy court over a debt of about $2 over the statutory minimum
>>required to file a claim in bankruptcy.
>>You relax on your yacht in the Mediterranean.
>>The cows?
>>There never were any cows.

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