The following is taken from a goofy series of children's books by Dav Pilkey
about a hero named "Captain Underpants." (Billy's kids read 'em all the time --
they're actually kinda fun.)

The passage in question is from Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot
of Professor Poopypants. In it, the evil Professor forces everyone to assume
new names. Here's how it works:

Use the FIRST letter of your FIRST name to determine your new first name:

a = stinky
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gidget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = poopsie
k = flunky
l = booger
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = falafel
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa

Use the FIRST letter of your LAST name to determine the first half of your
new last name:

a = diaper
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = bubble
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = burger
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x =tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker

Use the LAST letter of your LAST name to determine the second half of your
new last name:

a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x =humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice

Just call me: Snotty Lizardchunks